This post began a week ago and quickly became extremely snarky. That made me pause and step back. I was snarky because the day before I sat at my keyboard, the administration had released a proposed federal budget that was very harsh, containing not a drop of compassion. I couldn’t overlook the irony of this particular budget being released on the 19th day of the 2nd lunar month, or in other words, the birthday of Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion.
There are many version to the story to how Kuan Yin got her rep as Goddess of Compassion. But their common point is that she turned down the opportunity to enter Nirvana (the ultimate goal of Buddhists) to stay on earth and help those suffering to become enlightened. Yes, she chose to help others rather than spend eternity enjoying the pleasures she had earned. Thus, the irony of the moment.
I was, not for the first time since November 8, 2016, pissed, fed up, emotionally exhausted and when I get that way, I get snarky. But, this blog is not here to help me relieve my snark. If that were the case, there’s be entries more often.
No, this blog is about exploring how to bring in the Divine Feminine as I walk through life. Thus the pause and this re-write. The pause wasn’t a stifling of my snark. On the contrary, it was taking time to sit with it, to fully feel it. When you let yourself fully feel your emotions, when you embody the experience, you often find that emotions pass, or at least, soften. The pause gives you time to determine how to channel the emotion or to note if there is more going on than what is obvious on the surface.
Yes, I was mad and frustrated. But I was also tired. I hadn’t been keeping up with the practices that nurture my spirit. I’ve been dealing with vertigo for a little over a month. The reasons for it are still unknown. It could be MS. It could be an inner ear thing (and yes I’ve seen the videos about the Epley Maneuver and the Half Somersault and tried both). So, I’m not practicing yoga asana or teaching yoga classes (which also feeds my soul). But, I could have been meditating and saying mantra. Yet, I had somehow let those things fall by the wayside. I hadn’t realized I had done that until I took the pause.
Over the weekend, I began reading “Moonrise: The Power of Women Leading from the Heart” by Nina Simons. The title alone was a good reminder of the promise I made in my first post here, “What I know so far is that bringing in the Feminine means LOVE. Not sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya kind of love. But LOVE that can see through my own ego and that of others. LOVE that seeks similarity instead of difference; that responds rather than reacts. LOVE that stays when the rational mind wants to run……And so my prayer is that I can remain rooted in this LOVE while rising to the challenges that are now upon us. That my heart remains open when logic says it shouldn’t.”
The only way I know to keep my heart open is by staying devoted to my practices. I’ve re-committed to the daily saying of the Gayatri Mantra and Loving Kindness Meditation. And in doing so, I’ve felt the Goddess of Compassion wrap her arms around me, reminding me that I was made for these times — snark and all.