You Can’t Always Get What You Want

 

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need.

Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger, You Can’t Always Get What You Want lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc

I am not a huge Stones Fan.  They have songs I like.  Songs I don’t.  And songs I’m ambivalent about.  But, for a few days, this chorus was on a loop in my head.

The story begins a couple of weeks before the March 24th March for Our Lives.  I wanted to go to the march, but I was having trouble with my legs.  I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2005. Although there have been some very rough patches, many of them were more the result of the fibromyalgia like pain that I lived with for eight years, than the MS. We vacationed at the beginning of March and I over did it.  One of the many things that can cause MS to flare up. Since our return walking was requiring more exertion than normal — like I was constantly walking in shifting sand. Standing anywhere for any length of time, let alone walking would be hard.

So I began the conversations with Goddess/the Universe. Things like:

“I’ll go, but I’m going to need some help in making that happen.”
“I’ve agreed to walk this part of my path, but only if I’m given what I need to make it happen.”

The Monday before the March I was having this conversation again (and when I say conversation, I don’t mean I was hearing voices). The image that popped into my head wasn’t of me skipping along the march route.  No.  It was of my mother-in-law’s walker.  Not knowing what my future with MS would be, we held onto a wheel chair and a couple of walkers when my in-laws passed. The walker that flashed through my head was the kind that has a seat to sit on when you get tired. I immediately shook that image right out of my head.  That wasn’t the kind of support I was looking for.

Next day, while contemplating the March, same image crossed my mind.  I pushed it away with the simple excuse that it was buried in the garage some place and I didn’t have the energy to dig through stuff to look for it.

Wednesday I was pulling out of the garage and noticed that the place the walker was7c4dbf4bcd37bd88bbdf067823914dbe--daily-inspiration “buried” was under a few light weight items right in front of where I park my car. I sighed and since I was in the car alone, asked aloud (and with some sarcasm) “Really?“.  Later that day, Andréa Ranae Johnson, a woman I follow on Facebook, posted, “Tell me about something you’ve learned recently.” I sighed, rolled my eyes at the Universe, and scrolled on. But a few minutes later I was back to her post and commented, “When I ask the universe to give me what I need to do the work of the path I’m on, what it sends isn’t always what I had in mind. But, it is what I need

On the morning of the March I was still unsure. But, one of my dearest friends was supporting me every step of the way and offering options that seemed less intimidating, including, “if we get there and it’s too long of a walk to the March site, we can just sit in the parking lot to add our energy to the mix.”  She was willing to take me with her, no pressure or judgment about how I chose to interact with the moment.

Pulling that walker out of the garage and wiping it down was one of the most emotionally challenging things I’ve done since being diagnosed. But, as I later posted later on Facebook, “It’s been more than 13 years since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I am grateful every day that I’m still mobile. But, there are moments when I come face-to-face with the disease and it scares me. Today helped me remember what is possible when we face our fears.

march

2 thoughts on “You Can’t Always Get What You Want

  1. So I began the conversations with Goddess/the Universe. Things like:
    “I’ll go, but I’m going to need some help in making that happen.”
“I’ve agreed to walk this part of my path, but only if I’m given what I need to make it happen.”

    Thank you for this. I needed that as a reminder that I can speak and the Universe will provide. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. To you Hannah: ❤
      To anyone reading this that thinks I am talking about the Law of Attraction ( I avoid LOA like the plague): I have found that what I ask for must be in alignment with my path AND that I do my part to co-create it. Even then, it will be what I need. But not necessarily what I had in mind.

      Like

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